Cinderella and the Glass Ceiling: And Other Feminist Fairy Tales by Laura Lane & Ellen Haun & Nicole Miles

Author:Laura Lane & Ellen Haun & Nicole Miles
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Seal Press
Published: 2020-03-09T16:00:00+00:00

THE END

MULAN’S MOOLA

NCE UPON A TIME…

There lived a courageous and persistent woman named Mulan. At eighteen years old she enlisted in the Chinese Army and disguised herself as a man to fight in place of her aging father. She fought for twelve years without her fellow warriors ever discovering her secret. Mulan mastered the art of upright urination thanks to her invention of the original female funnel.

When Mulan decided to retire after the war, she finally told everyone the truth: she was a woman and their dick jokes weren’t funny. The army was shocked that this decorated war hero was a “chick.” Who knew women could fight just as well as men and look good with short hair? After Mulan’s announcement, the Chinese army decided to let women enlist. Mulan retired in peace, knowing she’d never have to go near a urinal again.

But did you know Mulan’s story continued?

Mulan moved back to her hometown, got married, and had a son. Five years later, she heard a knock at the door. It was her old army boss, General Li.

“Mulan, we’re at war again,” General Li said. “We need you back! I’m offering you a promotion to be one of the lieutenant generals training our warriors. And I’ve doubled the budget for Dim Sum Fridays! You’ll accept, right?”

She had been considering going back to work recently, and also, she missed the commissary soup dumplings. “I’m in!” said Mulan.

Two months into training, Mulan’s troops were weeks ahead of the other units. They were stronger, faster, and were the only troops who could Hula-Hoop for forty-five minutes straight. The last part doesn’t sound like it’s a skill that would help out in war, but hip flexibility is very underrated.

One day during lunch at the mess hall, Mulan started making small talk with another lieutenant general.

“This Peking duck is delicious,” said Mulan as she plopped a bite in her mouth. “What Chef Zhang can do with canned wartime food is insane.”

“Don’t tell the chef, but I swiped a little extra,” said Lieutenant General Wu.

“I won’t tattle, but you gotta share,” she said, smiling.

As he passed her a piece of his food, a paper fell out of his coat pocket and landed at Mulan’s feet. She reached down to pick it up. It was his paycheck. And he was making some serious dough.

“Did you ask for an advance or are you on some different pay schedule?” she asked, puzzled.

“No, that’s just my weekly rate,” he said, before realizing something was wrong. “Don’t we all make this?”

Nope. What Mulan made in a month, Lieutenant General Wu made in a week. Mulan was shocked. And frankly, she was embarrassed. After all, they had the same job, the same rank, and the same Chinese zodiac sign (the Rooster: ambitious but with no patience for crossword puzzles).

She had assumed there was a standard rate for the position so she hadn’t thought to bring it up. Also, it felt rude to discuss money with other warrior killing machines.

But politeness hadn’t done her coin pouch any favors.

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